Today I Went To A Funeral

This is a blog that I wrote back at the start of 2008. It seemed worth reprinting here.

Today, I went to a funeral

My gran passed away just before Christmas. Her funeral was today. While I know she never even used the internet, I thought I would write something here to commemorate the day.

As a young child, and into my teens, my parents and I would make a trip every Saturday to see my grandparents. Sometimes this would involve a boring trip to a supermarket or something that was of no interest to me as a kid. Sometimes I would be bored, like you invariably are at that age, becuase there was nothing on tv, and then as I got older I didn't go every week, preferring to stay at home, but these are some random memories I have :

During my sticker-book phase, my grandad (who passed in 1999) would have always bought me a packet of whichever stickers I was collecting that month. In those days of no pocket money that was always a treat. I played cards with him alot. I suspect that he let me win sometimes but it was never obvious to me. My gran would be pottering about in the garden. Later in her life, she would always make a point of watching Emmerdale with the volume up full blast, which pissed my parents off no end. She admitted it was rubbish but I guess it was her rubbish and I can identify with something that is precious, however trivial it might seem to someone else.

When I took a book or some comics to read at their house, I would usually get into a conversation with my gran about what I was reading, which in my teens was alot of horror. While my parents never approved of my reading material (especially), my gran was probably the only person who really listened to me. I know now that teenagers talk alot of crap and think they know everything but it was refreshing for one of the adults to actually take me seriously. My gran told me many times that she reminded me of her son, Keith. All I knew about Kieth was that he had died at some point, and no-one really spoke about it; I never asked. Today I learnt that Kieth died in 1979, when I was just two. He was only a couple of years older than I am now. To the younger me and my overactive imagination, he seemed a rebellious figure, or at least someone who was different. I mean, if someone was comparing me to him...

I would always get car sick on the way there. It was made worse if I was reading or writing on the journey. Those words would just turn my stomach. Today I went to the funeral with my parents in their car, and after just one text message, the old sickess came back and I was queasy all the way there, despite getting over my travel sickness years ago. My dad's car even smelt the way it used to 15 or 20 years ago, and he's changed cars a few times since then.

We met the hearse at my grandparents place. Inside the house, everything seemed much smaller. I'd only been there a couple of times over the last few years, but with each visit everything shrunk a little more. I probably won't ever go back there again.

I saw cousins and family members that I hadn't seen in years. In fact, the last time I saw them was at my grandad's funeral eight years ago, when I was 22. Several lifetimes ago. I should have kept in better contact but the family gatherings generally seem to happen around Christmas, which is never a good time of year for me. It was good to see them. There's a part of me that will always have them frozen in time at a certain point, and me with it, having barely seen them in the bizarre journey that has been my "adult" life thus far...

I have no poignant ending. Life goes on.